Responsibility & Control
As I am maturing, the question has come up of “What am I really responsible for?” In the years when I was a control freak, I took responsibility for everything. I would not let my husband do anything because I could do it better (or so I thought). I did not let him take responsibility for the kids when they were little because I did not think he knew what to do. In my “controllingness” he let me do everything, even though he was willing to help if I asked him. He would rather just let me do it than get yelled at for doing it wrong. I also took responsibility for him in many ways. Sometimes I acted more like his mother than his partner. Of course, there are always two vibrations attracting each other in every situation, but I definitely wanted control of the situation, and taking on so much responsibility was overwhelming.
I realize that in that state of taking uber-responsibility, I was totally disempowering others and myself. Every individual needs to take responsibility for their own lives and their own choices. When I am taking responsibility for another person or “telling them what to do”, I am disempowering them. Not intentionally, but nonetheless, it was happening.
As I have unwound the “controllingness” and sense of responsibility for everything, it has given me great freedom. The need to control comes from fear, a need for protection, a need to survive, and a need to stay “safe”. Life naturally contracts and expands. When one does not trust Life or flow with Life, one feels a constant contraction and it is an exhausting and overwhelming never-ending spiral into more separation and disconnection.
It really can be a slippery slope when someone is giving up their innate power to someone else, as I did in 2017. I joined a group that, in the beginning, was beneficial to my healing journey (and I received many gifts and connections, so I have no regrets). As the year progressed, I realized that I was totally giving up my power to the leader, by asking questions about what I should do, what he thought, etc. He was like a pseudo-guru-want-to-be and used mental and emotional manipulation on the members to get what he wanted. For example, we all paid (an embarrassingly large amount) to join this group with no contract or anything in writing. We did not even really know what we were signing up for (the feeling, maybe?). The group members are intelligent, successful people, but somehow, he was able to manipulate their thoughts or feelings to get them to give up any rational thought about it.
Looking back, I could see how he used leading questions to find out information about our finances, sexuality, beliefs, etc. Then, after we paid this large sum, he asked us all to “contribute” to the cause of “healing the world” by giving our free labor. This is when I started to get pissed off and I started waking up to many red flags. He wanted me to contact past “clients” of a health program (his business) to see what they needed. He wanted me to be a sales/service agent (which is an actual job) for free after I paid him a huge sum of money.
He figured out a way of using subversion to take power from others. However, at the same time, the members had to be willing to abdicate their power to him. We were willing participants. Even if we did not consciously know what was going on, something within us did not want to take responsibility for our own lives and make our own choices. We wanted someone else to do it for us, hence Life brought the experience with the cult leader. For some of the members, I think they found this group as a way for more “power over others” and they became the “inner circle” of the guru-want-to-be.
Innate power is an interesting thing. Unless we are balanced within ourselves, we tend to be either 1) seeking power by taking responsibility for others (which is disempowering to them) or in extreme cases, even consciously wanting to take their power through manipulation or control or 2) we are yielding our power to someone “who knows better” by asking them what we should do and secretly wanting them to take responsibility for our lives.
You will never be free unless you own your innate power and take responsibility for yourself. My brother thinks I am a socialist. I am not. I believe in equality, equal opportunity, and equal responsibility for all beings. However, I also see the inequity in some of our systems, which were set up by people in power to keep the average person, and certain groups of people, powerless. Sometimes people do need temporary help, but they cannot get dependent on the helping hand or they surrender their autonomy and power. The key here is that we cannot be powerless unless we give our power away. We can maintain our power, even in an unjust system. It is a choice. If we don’t take responsibility for our own lives and if we expect the government (or some other group) to take care of us or tell us what to do, we will never be free. We will be enslaved to the system, person, group, etc. that wants to keep us dependent on them in order for us to relinquish our internal power.
To stand in your power in an unjust system takes courage and an element of fearlessness. For some, like me, I feel that reclaiming my power is one primary theme this lifetime. Life will show each of us in our own personal world where we can be courageous, fearless and step into our power. Life is constantly giving us opportunities to see our default patterns and wake up. If you feel it is time for you to step into your innate power and take responsibility for your life situation, then seek out authentic and earnest people who can reflect things for you and are only interested in helping you empower yourself, not empowering their own ego or usurping your power (be careful). Sometimes earnest people can be hard to find, but they are out there. I personally would go to the ends of the earth to assist anyone who is willing to help themselves and stop making excuses.
I am quite tired of hearing the excuses why someone cannot do something (or be responsible for themselves). Most people make excuses all day long, every day about why they cannot step into their power. “They (mother, society, husband, friend) don’t let me.” “Life is unfair.” “I don’t have the money, opportunity, education, etc.” “The system is rigged.” “I don’t have time.” They do everything they can to blame the outside world for not stepping into their own power. Most people are seeking happiness, freedom and joy. Without reclaiming our power, those are fleeting dreams.
Living From My Center & Flow
As I am growing and changing, it has become apparent that releasing control (allowing Life to flow), taking responsibility for my own choices and actions (and not taking responsibility for other’s choices and actions), and standing firmly in my innate power (without giving a crap with others think) is leading to a sense of freedom that I never could have imagined. It has come with centering myself and not going to extremes. When I feel myself go too much into my “head” which takes me out of my center (and my innate power and flow), I can breathe and be aware of what is happening and bring myself back. It is a daily endeavor and takes practice. I have not mastered the re-centering yet, but through this awareness, I am cultivating the ultimate freedom and it feels good.
When I am in flow with Life, I feel orchestrated. I just know what to do without doubt. I feel free and powerful to be myself and live to the fullest. I imagine when an athlete is in a state of flow, that is what they also feel. This flow is a unified connectedness with all of life. It is palpable and there is a deep sense of peace and knowing that all is well. There is a power flowing through me that is not my ego or my mind or my will. It just is and it is what true freedom is. Every being has this innate power and flow capability, if they take responsibility, release control and put their ego/mind as a servant instead of the master. This flow and freedom are what I wish for you, too, with all my heart.