Featured image: Żabka by Michael Garfield.
If interested, you may read about my 2nd and 1st Toad Medicine experience here.
I almost don’t know what to say about this 3rd experience with Toad Medicine. The shifts have been so profound for me since I partook in a series of four toad medicine ceremonies in July 2021. Instead of going deep into the details of the experiences themselves, I can share some of what has transpired since the ceremonies. I took the medicine with the abiding desire to know myself, deconstruct my ego tenancies that kept me spinning (I could see a lot of them, but was not sure how to deconstruct them) and be of service to humanity. I came into the ceremonies with a wholehearted willingness and commitment to surrender to what is.
These are some changes or shifts I have noticed since the ceremonies. It is ever ongoing, and I am still integrating. It has been about 10 days since the ceremonies (writing this on August 6, 2021).
- I found my center and I know what living in flow is. I know what it feels like to have Spirit’s innate power flowing through me. (You can read a bit more about this discovery here.) It is like being orchestrated without needing to “think” about anything. I am not consistent in staying in that state yet, but I am very aware when I pop out of it. It is a state where the ego (which we need) becomes the servant to the Spirt (higher self or whatever you want to call it). The ego/mind is no longer the master. When I go back into the “mind”, I feel like I am bat shit crazy and I know I am not so it behooves me to stay in the flow state. I know there is a reality (that is not this plane or dimension or hologram), where we are also residing.
- I hear people making excuses for why they cannot taking responsibility for their life and and I know they are just excuses. They don’t really want to take the responsibility so they blame the outside world or just tell themselves they cannot do something (when of course they can). I don’t have much patience for that anymore and realize it is not worth my energy to try to “convince” them. I want to spend my energy with people who have a deep commitment to improve their lives, live in unity, serve humanity and are sincere about getting and staying aligned. I still have the desire to invite others in (and then they can decide what to do) and walk beside them if they want to make a wholehearted choice for freedom and joy.
- The relationship between my husband and I opened up in a whole new way. (He also did the toad medicine once.) I no longer feel objectified and he no longer feels rejected. After this opening, that is the first time I really felt my innate freedom and power flow. It was almost as if I was released from something. After this opening, I played the Rolling Stones song, “I’m Free.” The lyrics are “I’m free to do what I want any old time….” That felt so true and for the first time in my life, I feel free to be me without giving a shit what anyone else thinks. There is less doubt of myself or concern about how others view me. I also don’t feel like I need to make anyone else happy.
- Certain types of mystical gifts seem to be opening up. I believe they are innate gifts that every human has, but the gateways have been closed through the ego mind, our own “rationality” and also our disbelief.
- I have always had a vivid imagination and sometimes I would get attached to what I wanted my future to be or what “I” wanted out of life. I had an experience where I was really able to give up the attachment to something I really, really wanted. Any gripping or attachment constricts the natural flow of life and keeps away the true Divine possibilities, which I think are even beyond our imagination, so I am excited to see what comes next. This releasing of attachment actually came after I had an energy medicine session with an advanced practitioner of Donna Eden’s Energy Medicine. I have been working with her for about four years now and she is a skilled healer and intuitive. She balanced my energies (which were unbalanced after the toad medicine) and as she moved a vertebrae in my neck, I started coughing and felt all the energy in my throat open up. She hooked up my heart electrics, removed toxins and did some other “energy medicine magic”. In the car on the way home, I cried my eyes out and then decided to release my attachment. I did and I have felt a peace and calm surrounding that topic since. There is no longer any “desperation” or “needing” anything. I accept and surrender to life exactly as it is right now.
- I feel like we are in a closed system (birth, death, rebirth) and it is a trap. We need to actually chose freedom and choose to step off the wheel of Samsara (see more about the initial realization we are in Samsara from the other blog article about my 2nd toad medicine experience). Please note, I am not sure this is exactly how it is, but it feels like life/death/rebirth is never-ending cycle and unless we wake up and consciously choose to step out, we just keep going in this closed-loop cycle/system. My best guess is that the process is something like this: We die and then go through “the tunnel” into the astral plane (of earth, part of the closed system or matrix). In the process we “judge” ourselves with what we did “wrong” or what we could do better, etc. There is not the density in the astral plane that there is in the physical plane, so things can be seen more clearly without the dense emotions and so we feel love and peace. Then we are “guided” to eventually reincarnate to “finish our business” here. The thing is, when we die, if we don’t choose to go through the “tunnel” and we choose to go directly to Spirit (the Light), then we can get out of the system. I still have some questions about “karma” and how that works, but I feel like there is one aspect of creation that wants humanity to remain enslaved in this system to provide something for them. Energy? Light? I don’t really know and I don’t understand, but I feel a certain knowingness that if we die consciously, we can choose differently.
- I have learned to breathe better. After the opening experience with my husband, I literally sat and breathed deeply for 10 minutes. It was as if a huge block was lifted off my chest and I could finally breathe deeply. The guide for the ceremonies, always emphasizes the breath. I still am learning what breath can do for a person, but it is definitely important in the process. When we breathe in, we are taking in the pure Life Force of creation. When we breathe out, I think we are releasing what is not needed. With constricted breath, we have constricted Life Force.
I am sure things will continue to unfold. Now, ten days after the ceremonies, I feel less energy pulsing through me, however, I still feel like my joints are loser, my skin clearer and there are some beautiful physical benefits as well. In the few days after the ceremony, some of the participants mentioned feeling some anxiety. I think it is from the ego getting deconstructed and it is trying to reconstruct itself and is causing some “fight, flight or freeze” within the nervous system. However, for the people I have talked to, that anxiety has subsided and they are seeing changes in perception and understanding of our third dimensional Earth experience as well. Thank you for reading. Feel free to contact me if you have questions. I probably won’t have any answers, but at least we can talk. You can contact me through the Home-Contact page at www.cosmicsoulhealing.com.
With Love, Krisanne Heinze